Love.

I love love. But sometimes I forget who loved me first, who loves me most, and who gives me the ability to love. Did I mention I love love?

I don’t know about you, but I’m a girl that loves being a girlfriend. I cherish my man. I make a point each day to make sure he feels loved. Well… this past year that remained to be true; however, it wasn’t until this summer that I realized I was putting all of my energy into making my boyfriend happy and saving very little for myself. It wasn’t until about a month after he broke up with me that I realized he wasn’t as happy as I thought and neither was I really. I loved him wholeheartedly, no really…with my whole heart. Towards the end of our relationship I loved him harder than ever because I think I subconsciously knew our story was ending soon. So, wholehearted means 100%. If 100% of my heart was filled with love for my boyfriend, does that mean God got 0% of my love? I wouldn’t say the math of that equation was quite that drastic, but still…where is God? Where is the source of love?
I guess God was always a part of our relationship, we even prayed together sometimes. That’s pretty good, right? Yeah….I know, it’s not enough. We knew it too. But man, when times got tough in our relationship it was so much “easier” to express my emotions, desires, wishes, dreams, tears, and fears to the man that was physically standing in front of me or on the other line of the phone. It’s like running a race: my boyfriend on the finish line, and my coach off the track on the sidelines. I know my coach could help me cross the finish line more efficiently, but I was already on the track and I could see my boyfriend at the end of that path… I could do this on my own…I could see him…so I ignored the loyalty, support, and guidance from my coach and ran full speed ahead with no distractions and nothing else on my mind. Turns out I completely lost my finish line and I was on a path leading nowhere. I ran a few laps, jumped a few hurdles, and so on, but now I’m just out of breath.

A few months have passed and now I’m sitting here feeling more loved than ever… and here is the kicker: I’m single. God is so much more than an ear to the other end of my prayers; he is my backbone. His love for us is so simple… it’s constant, never changing, never absent, never selfish, never tired, never complicated, never busy, never distracted, and never ending… ever. SO simple. Like honestly, so simple.
“Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' –Matthew 22:37-39

I don’t regret loving my boyfriend as much as I did, for loving one another is one of Gods greatest commandments. Honestly if I was able to show my boyfriend the kind of love that God want us to have for one another, then heck, I’m happy with that. Glad to do it. Besides, a heart can’t truly break if God is in possession of it. Two gallons of tears later, I’ve learned my lesson. I’m a work in progress.
I’m not saying I don’t feel sad or lonely from time to time, but the unconditional love I get from God is all I need…a boyfriend will just add the cherry on top. That isn’t something I could have said a few months ago. I feel stronger now. I feel like I love myself more. I love my friends more. I appreciate love more. And I’ve got to admit girls; I’m excited for love. My prayer now is just that God will remain my #1 in my race.